We’re in an age where two people are more likely to have mutual friends on Facebook than they are to meet up in a coffee shop! So when a friend told me about a dating website he was hooked to, it piqued my interest! What exactly does online dating entail? Do you hang out virtually? Or does it go someplace else…? The curious cat inside me was most eager to find out about all there is to online dating and so, it began—my tryst with OKCupid, Tinder, Hinge, Baddoo, Truly Madly, Woo… you name it! It was like a monkey jumping from one tree to another in search of the juiciest bananas [sic].
But 80% of times, the bananas were either too ripe, or too raw. Yes, now and then I would find the perfect banana but should it really have to be that difficult? What men (still) don’t understand is that, just like the real world, online dating too, comes with some basic etiquette. So, if you want to make a good first impression on a girl you just met online, here’s what you should start and stop doing!
1. Stop Being Ambiguous
According to a study by Zoosk, solo profile pictures receive up to 53% more text messages than group photos. Next time, you want to display a picture with you and a bunch of other friends in it, think first. Do you want to confuse the girl who chances upon you? Do you want her wondering which guy she would be hitting on? And God forbid if it’s the wrong guy she likes; poor you!
2. Stop Writing Your Life History
Most of the time autobiographies are boring, unless you’re a Steve Jobs or a Leonardo DiCaprio; but who are we kidding? We don’t want to know about how many women you dated or how likeable you were in school. We just want to know enough to make us wonder about you; not be appalled by your disability to overshare. Women love mystery.
3. Stop Text-Flooding
A simple “Hi, what’s up?” will suffice, thank you very much. I don’t want to know how you think we are meant to be. Make a great textual impression with a one-line message about something you noticed on her profile. For instance, a guy once messaged this: ‘So our zodiac says we’re 80% compatible, what about the remaining 20%?’ It’s different, personal and demands a response; a witty one, too. What’s not to dig?
4. Stop Abbreviation Abuse
‘TC’, ‘FYI’, ‘GTG’, ‘Gn’, ‘LMAO’—we get! What we don’t get is ‘Hw r u’, ‘Kwl’, ‘Datz gr8’. What are you, a buffoon who skipped schooling? Actually, don’t answer that. Don’t confuse us to the point where it gets irritating *hurriedly closes chat box and blocks you*!
5. Stop Being Aggressive
Also, a polite way of saying, “Stop being a freak!” Just because you viewed my profile, clicked the like button, or dropped me a message does not mean I am obligated to talk to you. If I’m not feeling it, I’m just not feeling it. So you can stop dropping random one-liners every two minutes; in case you haven’t noticed, I didn’t exactly reply, even!
6. Stop Sexting Already!
This is not porn hub and you aren’t even paying; but, that’s beside the point. Ninety-nine out of 100 times women on a dating app are just looking to start a good conversation with a decent guy. Where it goes after that is a different story, but it depends heavily on the nature of your conversation. We may be curiously horny enough to be looking you up; but sex is not on the cards, just yet. So if every second text you send is going to be a sexual innuendo, quit it!
7. Stop Faking It
It’s a request, actually. We know that just because you’re standing next to a C-Class Mercedez Benz (in a Mercedes Benz pop-up showroom at the mall) does not mean you own it! We also know that picture of you with the Eiffel Tower behind you is photo-shopped (at least get a pro to help you do it better)! Basically, why lie? What’s the problem with being genuine?
8. Stop Leading Us On
If sex is what you’ve come online to look for, then say it. Don’t give us crap about how you think there is ‘something going on here’ and you want to see where it ends up, when, actually, the only thing that is going on is inside your pants. Seriously, I’m a big girl, I can deal with it (that doesn’t mean you’ll get with it)!
9. Stop Selfie Abuse
We like that you take a selfie, or two; it makes us relatable (and maybe if we end up dating, we could take a few together, no?). But here’s what we don’t like: 1. You, giving competition to the Kardashians when it comes to taking selfies, and 2. You taking more selfies than us; not cool man! Hey, I didn’t make up the rules!
10. Stop Showing-Off
You have great abs and great bathroom interiors, also the latest iPhone; we get it. You have it all! Is that supposed to turn me on? Because it isn’t working. I still can’t see your face so you could be a pig and I wouldn’t know. Plus, it could be someone else’s bathroom and that’s not very comforting, either. Basically, you’re “A-Game” isn’t so A!
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