We are living in a day and age where people are constantly trying to get the better of someone else, and do whatever it takes to make that happen. Take even you and me, for that matter. I'm sure it won't take us more than a minute to recall when we lied to someone last. Then there are the perpetual liars. Even if it's just a white lie to avoid an awkward situation.
LaRae Quy spent 23 years as a counter intelligence agent for the FBI, and now spends time teaching people things that she learnt while working for the bureau. These tips should help you out while hiring people for your next start-up, but also dealing with people better, and filtering out the genuine ones.
1. Build a rapport with the person in question.
Yes, exactly like you build a rapport with your internet guy. You couldn't care less about his well-being, but you do care about that extra 10 Gb of download limit. Dealing with a liar can be somewhat similar if you must compare. Try to come across as the empathetic one - making it more likely that the other person finds talking to you more comforting. It's the classic case of 'good cop vs bad cop', and when it comes to spotting liars, playing the one who cares, always helps.
2. Surprise!
Surprise them with a question they weren't expecting. Put yourself in the liar's shoes. If you're lying about something, you'd be anticipating some of the questions, wouldn't you? To sound more spontaneous, you'd even rehearse a few of those answers. So make sure you don't let them guess. Ask them something that's off the syllabus. Throw them off track, see how they react, and then slip in whatever you wanted to ask.
3. Always keep your ears open, listen carefully.
Liars will always be in a hurry. They will rarely keep calm while telling their story. In fact they will speak substantially more than someone who's telling you the truth. Their stories will be warped, and a lot more complicated to comprehend. So when you're dealing with one, beware of a few things like:
- Stress would make people speak faster
- Stress would also make them speak louder than usual.
- Sudden change in the tone of voice is generally used at the point of deception.
- Coughing often, or clearing one's throat are also some signs of tension.
Now these situations can take place in a normal scenario as well, so it isn't necessary that the person you're talking to is lying. But in case you're going to confront someone, and notice the above, tread carefully.
4. Take keen interest in the way they say 'No'.
Yes, I mean 'No'. Make sure you hold on to that word because it is the key. A person would often react in a different/deceptive manner when they use the word. So be cautious when they-
- Say 'no' and close their eyes.
- Say 'no' in a singsong manner.
- Say 'noooooooooooooooooo', stretched over a long period of time.
- Hesitate while saying 'no'.
- Say 'no' and look in a different direction.
5. Speaking of behavioural change
Even the slightest change in behaviour can provide you with enough evidence of deception. So one should always take caution when -
- The person in question starts talking in a formal manner. Generally happens when the stress levels are high.
- He/she starts giving exaggerated responses. For example, when asked about how their day was going, they might respond with extreme superlatives like 'it was just an awesome day', instead of just 'good'.
- Despite being alert in the conversation the person starts forgetting critical things.
- They start responding to the questions with short answers, and their refusal to provide details when cross questioned.
6. Ask them what happened - backwards!
This is perhaps the best way to uncover a deep-seated lie. When people are telling you the truth they often tend to miss out on stuff, and then keep adding details and facts as they repeat their story. Liars, however, have their story completely memorised down to the T, and if they add a thing or two, their story doesn't add up. So the best way to figure if someone's acting fishy with you is to just ask him or her to recall the event backwards in time. Let's ask them what happened exactly before the event, and then keep rewinding back. The people telling you the truth will be able to clearly recall the things fast and give you more details, while liars would take more time, and try to keep the story as straight-forward as possible to avoid being contradicted by anyone later.
7. Way too many compliments.
Liars generally try a bit too hard to get you on their side, like putting up a good impression thinking it'll be easier to fool someone this way. Of course, there are a lot of people who are actually nice to the world, and keep a smile on their face no matter what, but if someone is acting way too 'sugar coated' it's time you ask them to recall the event backwards.
8. Keep asking questions.
Being lied to is not a great feeling. Even if it's a white lie. So asking the questions that put the person in an uncomfortable scenario is more likely to get you an outcome. But it is up to us to know where we want to stop. So for example, X is being questioned about relationships, and is hiding an affair he had before he met Y. But X is also a funny person with a charming personality, so isn't it fair on Y's part to give X a proper hearing? Shouldn't Y keep the conversation going?
If you're not getting a definite response out of this, keep following up. Carry the conversation forward, and try touching the points X is lying to you about. Like tell X how you were in a relationship once before which you'd not want anyone to know, and ask whether X had experienced something of this sort. More often than not, they will open up. If not, keep asking.
Practice these little steps on people you know, and soon you too shall be able to spot a liar in a second.
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